Osiris Rising?????

So I have done some reflection, and I have found that I am in a better place than where I was a year ago. I am now working more as an actor than I ever have, I am making more money, and I have been going out more in this year alone than the past three years combined. And yet the anxiety remains. The discomfort and the eagerness still itch underneath my skin like a parasite digging in. What is causing this? It must be the abscence of love. Not simply a woman, but love for and from a woman.

Never having had an actual tangible relationship I am very apprehensive about the possibility. At the same time I am also apprehensive about the idea of never meeting someone. A bit of a catch 22. What is life worth without love. At the same time what is love worth without life. By that I mean; without your natural vibrance how can you breath life into love. I must admit that at times I feel rather inert and lifeless. But what I am trying to figure out is if that is because I don't have love.

All of this is the ramblings of a lonely man. I simply have to decide that I am ready for love. It's important that I remain open to the possibilities and have preparation meet oppurtunity. No, the real question is what am I going to do about it? How much am I willing to salvage of myself in order to find my Isis? Isis reconstituted her Osiris because she already loved him. I have never even meet my potential Isis, so I don't even have her looking for me. So that means that I am waiting in vain. I must fight for myself before I can have Isis. Once I have earned her love it will be endless. All of this looks great in written form, but how is it put to task? How will I start my reconstitution? Or has it already begun?.....