Osiris Rising?????

So I have done some reflection, and I have found that I am in a better place than where I was a year ago. I am now working more as an actor than I ever have, I am making more money, and I have been going out more in this year alone than the past three years combined. And yet the anxiety remains. The discomfort and the eagerness still itch underneath my skin like a parasite digging in. What is causing this? It must be the abscence of love. Not simply a woman, but love for and from a woman.

Never having had an actual tangible relationship I am very apprehensive about the possibility. At the same time I am also apprehensive about the idea of never meeting someone. A bit of a catch 22. What is life worth without love. At the same time what is love worth without life. By that I mean; without your natural vibrance how can you breath life into love. I must admit that at times I feel rather inert and lifeless. But what I am trying to figure out is if that is because I don't have love.

All of this is the ramblings of a lonely man. I simply have to decide that I am ready for love. It's important that I remain open to the possibilities and have preparation meet oppurtunity. No, the real question is what am I going to do about it? How much am I willing to salvage of myself in order to find my Isis? Isis reconstituted her Osiris because she already loved him. I have never even meet my potential Isis, so I don't even have her looking for me. So that means that I am waiting in vain. I must fight for myself before I can have Isis. Once I have earned her love it will be endless. All of this looks great in written form, but how is it put to task? How will I start my reconstitution? Or has it already begun?.....

My First Blog

Rebuilding Osiris refers to my favourite myth. The story of Osiris and Isis. They were the two Gods that the Egyptians mainly prayed to. They were lovers, and they were parents to their son Horus. One time Osiris was attacked by the lord of the unworld, Sept. Sept is the Egyptian equvalent of Satan. Sept defeats Osiris and destroys his remains. Osiris is then broken down into billions of peices and scatered throughout the stars. Isis, in her grief sets out on a journey to collect the remains of her lover, in the hope of reconstituting or rebuilding him. Now that is love.

This is my favourite story because in a way I have personalized it. At this very moment I feel like Osiris. A being of emense potential but is torn apart by the Sept of my mind or of my life. I feel somewhat torn apart and made to feel less than whole. In a way I want to find my Isis, who will help me collect every part of me so that I may be whole again. I'm not saying that I want to be dependant on a woman or anyone for that matter. But would'nt it be nice to have such a lover and a friend who would be willing to be that caring. This myth says so much about the potential of love, and serves as a reminder of what love truly is. Don't think for a second that this a one sided deal. Should I find my Isis I would also commit such an act of love. At times I've been involved with some women in such a way and was told that I could only be a friend. By they're words and attitudes they seem to suggest that love is a casual thing. In any case it does'nt matter, it just means that they were not the ones for me. And so the search continues. For parts of myself and for Isis...